Tonight Hannah and I will be attending our 30#@%*year high school reunion! I only decided to go yesterday morning, so have been frantically going over a little checklist before I head up.
What to wear? What to wear? This will be the casual portion of the reunion, and the only part either Hannah or I will be attending, so we have only one chance to make any sort of impression since the last time we saw these people 5, 10, 20 or 30 years ago. I’m thinking of a sort of vampire look, with all black, (Levi’s, camisole sporting the illusion of some heaving white cleavage yet also long enough to cover the waist size on the back label of the jeans that is somehow closer to my bust size in high school, and a sheer pointy dramatic collared black blouse over that), white skin and bright red lips (my ‘party lips’). I just might feel like biting someone, you never know…
Body Hair Removal? Like a first date or a doctor’s visit, I like to be as free of any unsightly hair as possible during a special occasion. So, the facial hair that suddenly started appearing a few years ago, like a peach-fuzzy prepubescent teenage boy, has been tidied up, I did a check for any stray witchy mole hairs, creepy silver eyebrow hair, and I went so far as looking at my legs before deciding on the jeans and skipping shaving. It’ll be our dirty little secret.
Lose Weight? Errrrr. I wonder how much my gall bladder weighed?
Clean Undies? In case of an accident, of course, just like every day. But, need to make sure they’re not going to be sticking up out of my pants, or doing anything weird. Nothing like pulling your panties out of your butt when you catch the eye of someone you maybe used to have a crush on…At our 10-year reunion Hannah and I both had these gorgeous vintage dresses, and we changed at my parents’ house. My mom comes out with these hideous industrial strength support briefs (they didn’t qualify as panties), suggesting I wear them under my dress to “smooth things out.” I was mortified; Hannah nearly died laughing.
Spouse? Check. Coached to wear black jeans and black tee, because you just can’t go wrong with that, can you? Handsome, good hair cut, excellent sense of humor, and—very important–a calming influence. He did tell me he feels like he’s been smelly lately, though….
Sense of Humor? Pretty much all the time, however in this case it might readily turn into sardonic wit, much of it wasted on the general public as it will be delivered in an under-the-breath manner via side mouth to Hannah and/or Joe.
Expectations? Oh, you know, none really. Keepin’ ‘em on the down low. Like I told Hannah, maybe it won’t be so awful and you’ll be seeing a follow-up post something along the lines of “It was nice.”